This weekend, Disney will be hosting the D23 Expo, their convention of all things Disney. Why not show these things earlier at Comic-Con rather than hosting yet another convention? CAUSE THEY DISNEY! THEY CAN DO THAT! You can’t plug Hannah Montana at Comic-Con, son! Besides, why hang with comix when you can just buy them for 4 billion dollars?

But I digress. One of the big properties Disney will be selling to the Pooh-loving masses is the upcoming film The Princess and the Frog. There’s been a lot of controversy surrounding this movie, since it’s a 2-D animated feature AND introduces Disney’s first Black Princess that’s not a lion. So non-black princes, bucktooth fireflies and Keith David witchdoctors are getting a lot of heavy scrutiny.

Not to mention the brouhaha over changing the main character’s name from the stereotypical Maddy to the nubian Tiana (Wait, Ashley Tisdale is named Maddie on The Suite Life of Zack & Cody. Does that mean Sharpay’s a sistah?)

So as a service to The Walt Disney Company, I have come up with 5 ways to make sure The Princess and the Frog doesn’t cross the boundaries of good racial taste. Why 5? Cause I like PRIME NUMBERS! IT’S A PRIME LIST: The 5 Prime Ways to Keep The Princess and the Frog Less Racist!

1. DON’T PUT TIANA ON A VH-1 REALITY DATING SHOW.

Even though her name is perfect for it and her nickname would probably be “Frog’z Leggz,” we don’t want to see Princess Tiana compete with 19 other princesses over the affections of Flavor Flav or Ray J. Though it would be funny to see Ariel use her fins to b!+¢h-slap New York. You go, girl. See you at the reunion show.

2. DON’T AUTO-TUNE ANY SONGS FROM THE MOVIE.

We want music from Alan Menken or Randy Newman. Not T-Pain or Lil Wayne. “I am a frog, shawty! Yeh-eeee-yeh-yeh!”

On a side note, it was noted in Wikipedia that John Lasseter changed the person in charge for this movie’s music to Randy Newman instead of Alan Menken, because he felt using Menken would have been “repetitive.” Makes sense, because you’ve NEVER. USED. RANDY. NEWMAN. BEFORE.

3. DON’T HAVE PRINCE NAVEEN DRESS IN DRAG.

Even though Naveen sounds like, well, a cross-dresser name to say the least, do not feel the urge to make him do so. Leave that to Tyler Perry. And Martin Lawrence. And The Wayans Bros. And the guy from Juwanna Mann. And Jaleel White (Myrtle Urkel, anyone?) Oh man, black men dressing up like women is HILARIOUS!

4. NO GLORIFICATION OF SOUL FOOD WHATSOEVER.

None of the characters can eat the following foods: fried chicken, watermelon, ribs, Funjuns, pork rinds, soul food, or Strawberry Hill Boone’s Farm. Bambi’s mom might have died in a drive-by, but we don’t want to see Tiana’s mom die of diabetes.

5. DON’T DEPICT A SCENE WHERE PRINCESS TIANA GETS ARRESTED IN HER OWN CASTLE.

We know the film will need a climax before resolution, but don’t let that be Tiana being carried out of her own home, Henry Louis Gates Jr. style. Cause then Colin Powell will complain that you should have been more cooperative.

All joking aside, I understand people’s concerns. But at the end of the day, we should be pleased that Disney is FINALLY adding an African-American princess to their line-up. And unless they do something that is super outlandishly prejudice, let’s stop nit-picking on little tidbits here and there, and do our best to offer suggestions and support this film.

Cause best believe, if this movie tanks, the closest we’ll ever get to another Black Disney Princess is Raven-Symone in The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement. And I think we can all agree Disney can do better than that.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, September 10th, 2009 at 9:00 am by Andre (Black Nerd Comedy) and is filed under LISTS & PRIME LISTS. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.